You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
