Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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