She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
