Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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