It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
