Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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