Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
