we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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