my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My feet surprised me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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