Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
