Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
