That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize