I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
