at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
