it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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