My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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