wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
