The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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