Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
