it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
