i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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