I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
