I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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