i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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