I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
