i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
