He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
