Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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