hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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