Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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