i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
