Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
