4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
