I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
