worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dicks are not precious.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
