thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
