TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck me I smell like cheese
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
