I think I won the penis lottery.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
