I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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