I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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