My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
