I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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