porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize