He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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