there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
