I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
