Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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