then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Enjoy the penises
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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