Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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