is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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