listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize