It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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