I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
