Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
