i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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