and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
