she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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