His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Randomize
