sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
