I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
