i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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