what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
