I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
