oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
