you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
