he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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