My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
