dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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