he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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