Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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