OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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