umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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