I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
